Friday, April 04, 2014

My Top Ten Stupidest Posts (Except I Couldn't Choose Just Ten, So There are Eleven)

This morning, Sadie and I were playing our instruments together, like the devout scholars we are, and oddly enough, we shortly found ourselves on the computer.  To keep up the image in my own mind of being a studious personage, I showed Sadie the booklist of my blog.  For whatever reason, (blame Sadie) I found myself looking at my old posts.  They were so incredibly earnest and stupid that I laughed until my sides ached.  With a lot of help from Sadie, I managed to narrow down the ten stupidest posts.  I'm afraid that I have to just use bullet points, because a number of them showed an un-ratable lack of sense. ("Exactly!" Sadie mutters behind my back,) (I am antagonizing you, Sadie)

  • Poor Forsaken Mia: Self pity is hideous.  It truly is.  However, if you say it just in the right way, you sound so idiotic, that people are too busy laughing to be judgmental.  Enjoy.
  • Fight For Faith: This doesn't make me wince as much, but it is rather funny.  I remember carrying a notebook around with me wherever I went importantly writing this book (there are more chapters), and I thought it would be the next great novel.  I wrote this a month or two after I turned ten.  (Please note the abrupt entrance and the funny phrase, "but I could tell by the shape of the window curtains...")
  • Evil Evening: I sure wrote a lot about my burns.  (I have written at least three posts where the soul intent was to inform you about them) And I was such a terrible poet when I wrote about them!
  • If I Wasn't Ten: Wow.  Note to readers, I do NOT still want a rock, or the authority to dye a sock, or even the authority to dissect a platypus.
  • Summer!: I really couldn't make up my mind in this poem about whether I loved or hated summer.
  • A Spring Hopeful "Photo Shoot": Ah, me in my stupidity.  Ignore what I said in the beginning.  I knew NOTHING about photo shoots.  Also, please note the last picture, the way I was very casually, not forcedly at all, leaning back on our pine tree.
  • We Go Furniture Shopping: Forty-one pictures.  Forty-one pictures!!! Forty-one pictures... all of which were a) of terrible quality b) for a made-up world which is interesting to pretty much only us and c) of used furniture.  "Here are some of our favorites..." I said.  The shop, mind you, was not that large.  I probably photographed over  half of the furniture in the entire store.  
  • Cream of Wheat And Its Uses: This is one of those posts that is very useful if you are stranded on desert island with a surplus of cream of wheat, have no instructions,  but have a computer so that you can look up how to pour water or milk into it to make it.
  • I Do Nothing: ...except make myself look stupid.
  • A Photo Guide to My Day: Look how interesting seeing Every. Photographable. Moment. of my afternoon is.
  • A Tribute: I personally do NOT think this is funny IN THE LEAST but Sadie does.  (We don't really need eleven posts, do we, Sadie?)

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